Well, today was the first day of the rest of my life....ok, so that is EVERY day, right?
Hm, so today is the first day I start sloughing off Frankensteins Monster and start rebuilding God's temple with the broken pieces.
Wednesday will be weigh-in day...today's weight?  252...actually 251.8 but who is counting, right?
Not too bad...if I were 7 ft. tall, but alas, I am a lovely lady-like 5'6....actually 5'6.25 but again, who is counting?
This all puts my BMI around 41%. Funny how that is so close to the number of years total that some of my doctors say I will live if I don't get this health spiral under control...hm.

Ok enough with the numbers for now, lets talk what this blog will be about.  Well, quite honestly, it will be about me, and for more on that, I am going to copy/paste my "about me" from my facebook page for this blog, here goes:

First and foremost I am a child of God, just as on my personal page, you'll hear a lot about that (feel free to unlike me now if you cannot come to terms with that).
Having said that, even though I know I was fearfully and wonderfully made, I more often than not feel more like Frankenstein's monster. Like I have neglected myself and my body to the point that I am made up of other people's ideas of who I am supposed to be, their views on what is healthy or beautiful & their speculations as to who I am based on how I appear physically.
I wear an insuliin pump, have a stint in one artery, have a 75% blockage in my "widow maker," had a hysterectomy at 29 and sleep with a cpap machine...oh did I mention that I am also 100+ lbs overweight? So, yes, I realize that I am fat (you don't need to point it out)...I realize that at 36 I have neglected God's temple for far too long, but until yesterday (11.6.12) I was not emotionally/physically ready to change that. I have thought I was oh so many times, but then there is the Chinese buffet down the road, Penn Station at the bottom of the hill, Doritos in the cabinet, swiss cake rolls on the way to the bread section at Walmart...you get the idea.
My dear friend, Julie, gave me a book about a year ago. It was "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst. I thumbed through it, felt convicted, put it away, dug it out, read the first 2 chapters, felt convicted, put it away, dug it out a couple weeks ago and decided that my 36th birthday was THE day. Period.
I have several quirks, but one is that I detest the number six and don't really like the number 9 much so to be 36 is a thought I don't cherish, but for the next year, it is what it is. 36 can be 3x6 which would be 6 6 6 or 3 plus 6 would be 9 or 3 - 6 would be -3 which could then be turned back on the equation and null out the 3 which yes again would leave me with the number 6, but I digress. ANYWAY, 36 has been a dreaded number for me & I have had a couple docs tell me that If I don't get my health in check, I won't live to see 40. Wow, four years is just not enough for me to get done the things I need to get done, SO instead of fixating on how few years I had to add to that wonderful number I have become, I decided to take back my life and rebuild His temple one day at a time.
That is what this page is about. Being very real, very open, very transparent about this journey. If I eat a box of swiss cake rolls in one day, you will know it. If I need to hit the gym, but instead hit the bed, you'll read about it. If I curl up in the fetal position and cry because, dangit, I just want to eat a plate full of bacon...yep, you'll know.
I will be checking my blood sugars, getting labs done (hopefully very soon) & weighing in once a week and having body measurements taken once a month. All that boring info will be on here too. And just so it is known up front, I do plan on having the gastric sleeve done as soon as I am off of Plavix. Do not judge me until you have been in my shoes, I honestly do not care if you are not a fan of it. It is not a cure all, it is a tool and yes, I need as many non-drug tools as I can get.
If you want to journey with me, feel free! If you want to lift me up in prayer, hallelujah! If you want to criticize, you need to know I have some fierce friends.

My motivation:
     God's will for my life.  I know that I cannot complete the tasks He has laid before me with my health in the state it is presently in.  Initially, when I was brainstorming, this was last on the list.  It should be, and is, where it belongs now...right at the top.
     My health & myself.  I want to live well past 40, and I want to live well.  I want to enjoy the things I used to enjoy & be here to see my kids and, one day, grandkids grow and live lives of their own.
     Mike. I want to be the wife, friend & help meet that God wants me to be.  I want to be able to live as a Biblical wife day in and day out.
     My weeds (the 3 kids).  I want to be an example of wholeness and wellness for them.  I want to be able to play basketball in the driveway & run around the back yard chasing the chickens with them.  Honestly, I also want them and Mike to be proud to call me theirs. (I know they are, but unless you have been where I am, you won't quite get what I mean).

My fears (might as well get them out there and get past them):
     Failure. Plain and simple, I have tried a thousand times and failed every single time.  It hurts and makes me feel worthless.  Every time it happens, one more little piece of my resolve and confidence dies.
     Disappointment. I don't want to be a disappointment to God, myself, my friends or my family.
     Death.  I am not scared of dying per se, and I am not really scared of being dead.  I just do not want to leave my children before they are prepared for me being gone.

My Plan:
     Continually pray. Yes, just that simple.
     Continually give my cravings, frustrations, temptations over to God...He is better at handling them than I will ever be.
     Have and maintain a support system.
     Change the way I view food & drinks.  Basically eat to live, not live to eat.
     Get really in depth with the book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.  Study it like it is my big final exam for life and living.
     EXERCISE....duh.
     Get on a sleep schedule that I can maintain.
     Grow/raise as much as I can in way of food.
     Pray...did I mention that a lot of my plan depends on prayer? ;)

Ok, so now you know kinda where I am going with this...tomorrow is Chapter 1 of Made to Crave. See ya then.

OH and if you are offended by photos of hefty hunnies, please do not visit very often.  I plan on taking photos from day one until I get where I am going and there MAY even be spandex involved.  Consider yourself warned.