The "f" Word...Consider Yourself Warned

Well obviously my goal of blogging every day last week was an epic bust.  I did manage to get 4 days of exercise in and tried to watch my portion sizes and what times I was eating.  This week it is all about the water...water water water.  I am doing amazing!  I, me, myself (thanks to God) am doing AMAZING with this goal!  Been drinking an average of 128 oz per day for the last 3 days!  My weight took another jump this week, just in the wrong direction :(.  Nov. 5th I was at 251.8, Nov. 12 I was at 248, and this week I was at 255.  I am going to keep track of the way my weight fluctuates at different times (I always weigh first thing in the morning) of the month so I get a good baseline.  I need to call and set up an appt. with my primary care physician to start my monthly weigh-ins again.  Anyway, that is my numbers update for the week.  Now on to some of that "real" I always talk about...

I am going to breech a subject that might make some people uncomfortable, might make some people bristle, might make some people feel like they need to give advice...I am not bad-mouthing myself (or anyone else).  I am not seeking pity or disgust.  I am simply stating what is the reality of being fat.  Yes, I just said that...that horrible "f" word that no one wants to say anymore...F.A.T.  I am the queen of using "nicer" wording such as "hefty hunnie," "big & beautiful," "full figured," and so many other things that make it sound like a more acceptable issue than it is for me.  I am fat and unhealthy.  If I were fat and healthy, I would not have an issue with my size, but I am not.  Every day is a struggle in one way or another, and that is going to be true no matter what size, shape, or situation I am in...that is true no matter who you are.

Being fat is hard. At (just turned) 36, my joints creak and ache, my hips hurt, my knees hurt, my feet and ankles hurt and swell a lot; I have heart issues, diabetic issues & sleep issues.  My stomach is bloated yet hangs over my hips & waist, my thighs rub together and do this weird hangy thing as I start to lose weight, my breasts sag like an 80 yr old woman's might, my arms already have bat-wings & my face often (okay, always) looks swollen & my hair is getting so thin I am considering Rogaine.  And to top it all off, I am never supposed to say those things because it is not politically correct.  In the past couple of weeks, I have noticed I am breathing a little easier and I am sure that is from the exercise, but I still can't go out and run in the yard like I would like to with my kids.  Sometimes the thought of actually going all day without a nap causes me to feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack...seriously.  When I wake up, I am thinking of food.  When I am eating, I am thinking of food.  When I am working, talking, on the computer, I am thinking of food.  I love the taste of food, texture of food, the feeling I get after eating food.  I don't fit in the booths at some restaurants and my fat bulges out when I do exercises like squats.  My breasts try to hide in my armpits or up around my throat if  I lay on my back, but who am I kidding, I feel like I can't breathe when I lay flat anyway, so I don't do it much.  I can't do hardly any yoga poses because, other than the child's pose (I think that is what it is called) my belly gets in the way and it hurts.  You might think I am typing this with tears in my eyes and an embarrassed blush on my face, but you could not be more wrong.  It is hard being fat, but there is also some comfort in it.

It is what I have grown accustomed to.  When someone is fat, we as a society often expect less of them.  If I don't fix my hair, I know that people probably aren't looking at me anyway because of my size so it doesn't matter.  If I don't feel like putting on makeup, I know that people are most likely like "eh oh well."  I can eat anything in any amount and, since I am fat, people may shake their heads, but it is almost expected.  I have grown used to hiding behind my rolls, behind the fat that is keeping me where I am, behind the emotional wall made of 100+ lbs of excess weight.  I don't have to worry about anyone expecting much out of me because, hey, why start now?  I remember being thin (I was about 115-120 when my husband and I met).  Every time I gained 5 lbs, inevitably someone would remark, sometimes family, sometimes friends, sometimes just acquaintances.   Now I can put on 20 and no one seems to notice or someone will say "Oh my, what are you doing? You look like you have lost weight."  Lol, why do we always feel the need to ask fat people if they have lost weight?  I am beautiful..."for a fat girl" and mainly because I force myself to put myself out there and be the friendliest, smiliest person I can be.  I know that there are people who do not see my fat.  I love them for that, but it doesn't mean that I don't see and feel it every waking hour and often "take advantage" of it by reasoning that I don't have to do more because I have been this way for so long that my brain tries to tell me it will never change.  I am glad my heart and body know better than that.

Having said all of that, getting healthy is hard and frustrating.  I am going to mess up, I have messed up and that is part of the journey, but that doesn't mean I can say "oh well, messed up."  There are going to be times I NEED to kinda beat myself up over it.  Not in a "might as well give up" way just in a "ok, I need to be accountable and stop messing up so much." way.  Hopefully someone else will see that yes, we are all real people who struggle day by day, sometimes minute by minute with whatever our health journey is.

Tomorrow, being Thanksgiving, I will eat more than I have been eating this past couple weeks.  I will indulge in tasting those delicious treats that my husband's family makes so well.  I will drink pop, I have already bought it, and it will be diet Dew, full of caffeine.  I will drink diet NOT because I think it is somehow better (I know the caveats about diet, fat free, sugar free stuff).  I will drink it because I like it, and because it doesn't effect my blood sugar the way that "real" pop does.  And now that I am thinking about "cold pop" I am thinking about Sweet Brown and praying her Thanksgiving is blessed beyond belief ;)  As she says it about bronchitis, ain't no body got time for fat.

Survival of the...well "getting fitter"est?

Wow, okay, I survived today and survived it better than yesterday.
Gonna get numbers out of the way first... my fasting blood sugar was 384 this morning (blech).  I am waiting on Medtronic and my doctor to get things straightened out because I am super low on all of my pump supplies and still do not have them even though I placed my order the first week of October.  They say they are waiting on my doctor (who I am way overdue to see).
Went to bed about midnight last night and got up at 7:30 this morning...not great, but not horrible either.
Nap today? Yep 1:30 until about 4. Hoping as my mindset, food choices, exercise routine & sleeping routine change, this will become a thing of the past.
Today's Consumption (sounds like I am talking about tuberculosis in the late 1800s):
     Breakfast: small apple
     Snack: Orange
     Lunch: 1 cup of fat free cottage cheese, 1 orange bell pepper diced in the cottage cheese, approx 1 cup of spicy sundried tomato pasta salad (oily & carb filled, but better than swiss cake rolls), orange. 15 kernels of popcorn...ok yeah I bought some clearance "variety ornamental indian corn" for 50cents and the grocery store, but one type in the bag looked like this popcorn I was going to grow last summer, so I thought "hm I wonder" and stuck it in the microwave and it popped...all over the microwave.  I ate about 15 itty bitty kernels just to see if it tasted ok while the cob smoked away in my kitchen sink. Good times.
     Snack: 2 oranges (Ok I realize that oranges are not the BEST fruit b/c of the carbs/sugars, but it is what it is right now)
     Supper: Angel hair & Linguine with pasta sauce & shredded cheese.  (Again, I have to eat what we have at the moment, but instead of a regular size dinner plate I used a salad plate, so even though I ate 2 helpings I ended up eating about 1/2 of what I normally would which would be 2 large platefuls) and garlic bread (only thing I am kinda kicking myself for because it really wasn't even that good). Feeling super bloated after that though, so yeah probably icksnay on the econdsay elpingshay from here on out.
Today's Exercise:
10 minutes on the elliptical at the Y.  1055 strides, 0.7 miles (actually a little less but I hate the numbers it was), 105 calories burned, Incline 5, Resistance 5

Strength Training for 20 min., chest press 2 sets of 14 reps with 30 lbs of weight, bench press with dumbells 12 lbs each arm 2 sets of 14 reps, 1 arm row 1 set of 14 reps with 15 lb dumbell, dumbell squats (no these were not squats made specifically for me, it means I had to hold a dumbell in each hand...probably coulda just held a boob in each hand and got the same effect) 15 lbs in each hand 1 set of 12 reps, Abductor machine 36 lbs 1 set of 14 reps, Wide Stance Leg Press on machine 84 lbs 1 set of 14 reps

Abs: (12 each) Crunch with Heel Push, Crunch with Legs In (stability/exercise ball under your feet and you roll it toward you as you crunch), 90 Degree Reverse Crunch, and another set of Crunch with Legs In.

Other: Not sure if this is pathetic or accomplishment, but for now it is an accomplishment that in a couple months I can look back and say "wow I am glad I don't feel pathetic now."  I went to the grocery store (needed a few healthy things and some headphones to workout with) and parked at the very end of the row I was in even though there were spaces up front.  Then did the same thing at the Y, parked in the row farthest from the building (for those of you familiar with our Y, I parked back by the preschool garden).  So a little extra walking here and there ;).  After walking to the store, through the store and back to the truck, I almost went home thinking "yeah, I put on spandex and walked this far, my exercise for the day is done." But I went ahead and went to the Y ;).

So no MAJOR embarrassments with my food today and I did exercise!  This post felt SO much better than my last one to type ;) and there was no all day snacking/grazing going on.

Now on to me just blabbering...say what? You thought that was what I was already doing?! bwahahahaha you have no clue yet, do you?

I felt great after working out, but about an hour later....great googly moogly I felt like jello or a "walker"...either way, I did not feel like doing ANYTHING.  That is when I laid down and fell asleep.  I have "excessive daytime sleepiness" so I basically fall asleep whenever I am not moving around during the day.  Normally it is quite frustrating, but today my muscles loved me for it!
A little "funny" about my workout today (actually a couple)... 1. When I was doing my squats I had to not look at myself in the mirror much because I was tearing up and stifling giggles at the same time.  Every time I would squat, my muffin top poofed out so far it looked like a billow...totally depressing and totally hilarious all at the same time.  2. I worked out so hard that I lost a bra strap!  Guess my girls aren't used to jiggling that much anymore and the one just got so excited she busted right out of the cup, breaking the strap.  Thankfully it happened right before I was finished working out so it wasn't a huge deal.  I swear that there are hazards to being a hefty hunnie and working out, bruised chins (yes plural) & black eyes among them!  Hopefully tomorrow those girls will be better behaved and I won't lose another bra in such a senseless manner...Christmas is still a month and a half away, these over the shoulder boulder holders have to last me!

Lane (Yarrow) is also trying to make healthier food choices so we have been able to commiserate tonight ;). Of course as soon as the 2 younger ones got home, they wanted Ramen noodles, which they got.  Lane and I both were drooling but resisted the urge and held off until supper.

Does it make me a bad person that not eating all day today made me a hag bag?  I was irritable for a couple hours tonight.  I am not depriving myself, I am just moderating myself, but dangit, I wanted to just pig out about 4 or 5 this evening...I need to find something that I can eat and eat and eat without getting off track. Maybe I will go get some celery tomorrow.  I really do love celery (almost all veggies actually).

Well that was pretty much it...my day in a nutshell.  Thinking tomorrow's exercise will be Yoga and maybe hit the pool (nothing hard) and then a walk with Amy (my rockin' gal pal who has already made huge strides in her journey and has graciously agreed to help keep me on track) after a senior shoot I have tomorrow.  I want to do some activity every day, even if it isn't hardcore exercise.  All in all, I feel pretty good about this journey today!  Now it is time to call it a night and get to sleep.  3:30 a.m. comes way early!  Be praying for me at 11 in the morning, I am always afraid I am going to fart in yoga and that is one of those classes you wouldn't be able to hide it (I have heard people do it and it is all I can do to keep from busting out laughing...there is such thing as TOO zen).  My friend Cara posted a thing on her facebook page that was one of those ecard things that said "I don't fart, I just whisper in my panties"....maybe I will use that line if it ever happens.  Ok yeah, with that thought, I am off to bed.

(You were warned that sometimes it is a little TOO real...just sayin' )

Bible & Made to Crave...first day

Ok gonna post my Bible study notes first, then I will move on to my updates for the day!   I will be labeling the study part of my blog with "Bible Study" or "Made to Crave study" so that people who do not want to read my study notes can skip them or people who want to can find them easily.  My personal journal will be labeled "just me and my journey" for the same reason.  I am not a blogger, this is more a way for me to keep track of my journey than to be a perfect blogger.

My Bible reading this morning (I just open it and read) was I Kings 14 (NKJV)
Verse 3 jumped out at me, esp with my food journey.  The set up is that Jeroboam is the king but he has went against the will of God.  His son becomes very sick and he wants his wife to go, incognito, to a prophet named Ahijah and find out if the boy is going to be ok.  He tells her what to do (about disguising herself) then almost as an "oh yeah, try this too" he says, "Also take with you 10 loaves, some cakes & a jar of honey & go to him (Ahijah), he will tell you what will become of the child."  That's right, butter him up with carbs.
Verse 25-27  When we do not line ourselves up with the will of God, we trade our gold shields for bronze...I kinda like gold better than bronze.

Ok now my Made to Crave study for the day...
Chapter 1 What's Really Going on Here?
     *Thing that stuck with me...We crave what we eat. It is true, if I eat healthy stuff for a week or two, I seem to crave more healthy stuff.  I need to remind myself of this over the next few days.*

Throughout the chapter it gave questions or Bible verses that I took notes about.  This is how I am taking my journey, not saying it is what is right for you, but hopefully we can lift each other up throughout our individual ones so it doesn't feel so lonely!

How would I describe "craving":
     For me, craving is a deep inner YEARNING for something.  Feeling like I have to have it...it is almost all consuming at the time.
     Dictionary.com definition: craving- something you long for, want greatly, desire eagerly & BEG FOR (ooooo I like that).

The Bible says in Psalm 84:1-2...
     "How lovely is Your tabernacle, Oh Lord of hosts!
My soul longs (yearns), yes even faints for the courts of the Lord; My heart and flesh cry out for the living God." 
(Emphasis is mine, not the Bible's...words in parentheses are from the NIV while the rest is from the NKJV).  We were actually created to CRAVE God & His will for our lives.  The enemy wants to replace that with anything and everything other than God.

I John 2:15-16... Do not love the world or the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, & the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world."
Another translation says, "...- the cravings of sinful nature, the lust of his eyes & the boasting of what he has & does - ..."  
The enemy (yes his name is Satan, I just hate even giving a capital letter at the beginning of his name), uses those 3 ways to try to draw us away from God and all He has for us.

3 Ways the enemy tries to draw us away...
     1. The cravings/lusts of the flesh- trying to get our physical desires/needs met outside the will of God (sex, food, ect.)
     2. The cravings/lusts of the eyes - trying to get our material desires/needs met outside the will of God. (home, things, clothes, vehicles, ect)
     3. Boasting or the pride of life - trying to get our need for significance met outside the will of God. (wanting recognition, notoriety, ect.)

In Genesis (chapter 3 verse 6), the enemy used all 3 very deliberately on Eve.
     1. When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food (lust of the flesh).
     2. & pleasing to the eye. (lust of the eye)
     3. & also desirable for gaining wisdom (boasting, recognition, superiority)

In Matthew (chapter 4 verses 1-11) Jesus was tempted with those same 3 issues...
     1. Tell these stones to become bread...
     2. All of this I will give to you...
     3. Surely He will send His angels to catch you...(manipulating God for one's own benefit).

In every instance Jesus quoted Scripture.  He was prepared and had been fasting (taking the time to think about how to handle things).  Eve on the other hand probably never even looked away from that gorgeous, delectable fruit & just reacted.  Jesus was covered in the Word, Eve was absorbed in the object of her craving (which wasn't God).

I love that she (Lysa Terkeurst, author of Made to Crave) uses the following verse.  I have used it in other instances, just not for food before... 1 Cor. 10:23 (NIV) "'Everything is permissable' but not everything is beneficial."  It is more about what is RIGHT about it and not as much about what is wrong with it...


At the end of each chapter there are a few questions to answer and ponder (Personal Reflections).  I am trying to answer these as real as I can so bear with me...

1. If I could personify my craving for food, foo-foo items &/or recognition, it would look like the dark characters of Kingdom Hearts (the heartless).  Always slinking & jumping on me from the shadows.
If I could sit down with it (& sometimes it feels like I have) it would say in a sultry, hypnotic hiss that this is a lost cause before it starts. That my health is too far gone and out of control  & my weight & love of food (man how I love everything about food from the taste to the texture to the euphoria of eating) are too great to overcome & "besides, what does it all matter anyway?"
My question for it would be how/why did we ever get involved, to which it would reply "because you let us..."

2. I believe God DID make us to crave Him & His will for our lives.  When Mike and I were separate & living outside the will of God, He gave me a desire for my husband and our marriage that wasn't there before (if He can do that, He can definitely change my heart/flesh concerning my health).  A desire that I don't think I had really had before.  Even before the craving for our marriage, God gave me a sincere craving for HIM & His truth.  That craving overcame all obstacles & all odds. Fleshly cravings are limited & fleeting. Godly cravings are amazing and lasting (eternal).

3. If it is true that we are made to crave (& I am sure it is), it makes me realize that cravings, just like so many other things, are beneficial when satisfied in the proper time & context.

4. In the last 24 hours to past few days, how have I been tempted by the enemy?
     -cravings: food food food, for the taste, not for fueling my body.
     - lust of the eyes: wanting things for my chicken coop, house & yard/garden that I really do not NEED.
     - boasting/lust of life: not sure...maybe worried that people don't really like me or that I get on people's nerves and they just don't tell me.
     For me the hardest to resist, by far, is cravings for food/drink!  The easiest to resist is the lust of the eye because the Lord already dealt with me on that and freed me from it several years ago when IT was my biggest temptation.

5. Just as Jesus showed, Scripture can defeat any of the enemy's plans for us.  If we know what the Bible says, we can stand firm in it.  I have stood firm on Scripture & seen miracles happen.  Best example for me was Rom. 5:1-6, that was the first passage that God ever gave directly to me as a result of my prayer and supplication for an answer to give a pastor who was not in line with what God teaches about marriage and hope.  The Lord healed me & our marriage and I used that passage more times than I can count when the enemy would try to make me feel hopeless.  I am sure God can do the same thing in this area of my life.  God's word can help break this bondage I have succumbed to if I will let Him and if I stay vigilant and covered in Scripture (see also Eph. 6:10).

Ok, so there it was (actually it is all handwritten in my notebook too so I have it regardless of if I have internet access).  Thoughts? Bible verses you stand on?

Posted this on my facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/just.me.and.my.journey) but wanted everything on one place...this is from first thing this morning.

Ok, first steps first....
As of 11/7/12 my numbers are as follows:

BMI: 41%
A1c: unknown but high (guessing 10)
Weight: 252lbs
Height: 5'6
Lifestyle: sedentary...very sedentary
Optimism: pretty high at the moment ;)

What I ate yesterday (the 7th): 

 Breakfast: 1 cup fat free cottage cheese (not b/c it was fat free, I just prefer the taste of the ff version), Large unsweet tea with 1 splenda

During the day (from 8 a.m. until bedtime but not a meal): 2 packs of swiss cake rolls, 2 or 3 packs peanut butter bars , 2 cups of doritos (yes, I had a full on fat girl freak out...very embarrassed to type that, so it won't be happening again), 2 cans of corn (really?!)

Lunch: Cheddar Bacon Onion grilled chicken sandwich and a large fry (again, holy crap balls batman)

Supper: Egg Sandwich (3 eggs laid by my chickens...med size, onions from my garden, 2 Tbs Miracle Whip Light...again b/c I prefer the flavor over full fat version, 1 slice pepper jack cheese, 2 pieces of white bread toast), pomagranite

Exercise:None

What I am proud of today:Made some plans to exercise early early on certain days... AND the fact that I posted this and didn't cheat.



Okay, that is more than I WANTED to admit, but I am committed to keeping it real so that I can move forward and get healthy. I don't mind some loving criticism, but chances are, I already know what I NEED to do, it is just a matter of doing it and harshness will be deleted. I am not unintelligent, just give in to cravings too easily. Working to change that today, tomorrow & in the days to come.

This is a REALLY good pic of me...yet so far from where I need to be in order to be healthy.  I will post less flattering ones later (aka real every day pic).

Well, today was the first day of the rest of my life....ok, so that is EVERY day, right?
Hm, so today is the first day I start sloughing off Frankensteins Monster and start rebuilding God's temple with the broken pieces.
Wednesday will be weigh-in day...today's weight?  252...actually 251.8 but who is counting, right?
Not too bad...if I were 7 ft. tall, but alas, I am a lovely lady-like 5'6....actually 5'6.25 but again, who is counting?
This all puts my BMI around 41%. Funny how that is so close to the number of years total that some of my doctors say I will live if I don't get this health spiral under control...hm.

Ok enough with the numbers for now, lets talk what this blog will be about.  Well, quite honestly, it will be about me, and for more on that, I am going to copy/paste my "about me" from my facebook page for this blog, here goes:

First and foremost I am a child of God, just as on my personal page, you'll hear a lot about that (feel free to unlike me now if you cannot come to terms with that).
Having said that, even though I know I was fearfully and wonderfully made, I more often than not feel more like Frankenstein's monster. Like I have neglected myself and my body to the point that I am made up of other people's ideas of who I am supposed to be, their views on what is healthy or beautiful & their speculations as to who I am based on how I appear physically.
I wear an insuliin pump, have a stint in one artery, have a 75% blockage in my "widow maker," had a hysterectomy at 29 and sleep with a cpap machine...oh did I mention that I am also 100+ lbs overweight? So, yes, I realize that I am fat (you don't need to point it out)...I realize that at 36 I have neglected God's temple for far too long, but until yesterday (11.6.12) I was not emotionally/physically ready to change that. I have thought I was oh so many times, but then there is the Chinese buffet down the road, Penn Station at the bottom of the hill, Doritos in the cabinet, swiss cake rolls on the way to the bread section at Walmart...you get the idea.
My dear friend, Julie, gave me a book about a year ago. It was "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst. I thumbed through it, felt convicted, put it away, dug it out, read the first 2 chapters, felt convicted, put it away, dug it out a couple weeks ago and decided that my 36th birthday was THE day. Period.
I have several quirks, but one is that I detest the number six and don't really like the number 9 much so to be 36 is a thought I don't cherish, but for the next year, it is what it is. 36 can be 3x6 which would be 6 6 6 or 3 plus 6 would be 9 or 3 - 6 would be -3 which could then be turned back on the equation and null out the 3 which yes again would leave me with the number 6, but I digress. ANYWAY, 36 has been a dreaded number for me & I have had a couple docs tell me that If I don't get my health in check, I won't live to see 40. Wow, four years is just not enough for me to get done the things I need to get done, SO instead of fixating on how few years I had to add to that wonderful number I have become, I decided to take back my life and rebuild His temple one day at a time.
That is what this page is about. Being very real, very open, very transparent about this journey. If I eat a box of swiss cake rolls in one day, you will know it. If I need to hit the gym, but instead hit the bed, you'll read about it. If I curl up in the fetal position and cry because, dangit, I just want to eat a plate full of bacon...yep, you'll know.
I will be checking my blood sugars, getting labs done (hopefully very soon) & weighing in once a week and having body measurements taken once a month. All that boring info will be on here too. And just so it is known up front, I do plan on having the gastric sleeve done as soon as I am off of Plavix. Do not judge me until you have been in my shoes, I honestly do not care if you are not a fan of it. It is not a cure all, it is a tool and yes, I need as many non-drug tools as I can get.
If you want to journey with me, feel free! If you want to lift me up in prayer, hallelujah! If you want to criticize, you need to know I have some fierce friends.

My motivation:
     God's will for my life.  I know that I cannot complete the tasks He has laid before me with my health in the state it is presently in.  Initially, when I was brainstorming, this was last on the list.  It should be, and is, where it belongs now...right at the top.
     My health & myself.  I want to live well past 40, and I want to live well.  I want to enjoy the things I used to enjoy & be here to see my kids and, one day, grandkids grow and live lives of their own.
     Mike. I want to be the wife, friend & help meet that God wants me to be.  I want to be able to live as a Biblical wife day in and day out.
     My weeds (the 3 kids).  I want to be an example of wholeness and wellness for them.  I want to be able to play basketball in the driveway & run around the back yard chasing the chickens with them.  Honestly, I also want them and Mike to be proud to call me theirs. (I know they are, but unless you have been where I am, you won't quite get what I mean).

My fears (might as well get them out there and get past them):
     Failure. Plain and simple, I have tried a thousand times and failed every single time.  It hurts and makes me feel worthless.  Every time it happens, one more little piece of my resolve and confidence dies.
     Disappointment. I don't want to be a disappointment to God, myself, my friends or my family.
     Death.  I am not scared of dying per se, and I am not really scared of being dead.  I just do not want to leave my children before they are prepared for me being gone.

My Plan:
     Continually pray. Yes, just that simple.
     Continually give my cravings, frustrations, temptations over to God...He is better at handling them than I will ever be.
     Have and maintain a support system.
     Change the way I view food & drinks.  Basically eat to live, not live to eat.
     Get really in depth with the book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.  Study it like it is my big final exam for life and living.
     EXERCISE....duh.
     Get on a sleep schedule that I can maintain.
     Grow/raise as much as I can in way of food.
     Pray...did I mention that a lot of my plan depends on prayer? ;)

Ok, so now you know kinda where I am going with this...tomorrow is Chapter 1 of Made to Crave. See ya then.

OH and if you are offended by photos of hefty hunnies, please do not visit very often.  I plan on taking photos from day one until I get where I am going and there MAY even be spandex involved.  Consider yourself warned.